The Inept Adept & The Almost Last Unicorn Read online

  The unicorn’s head turned toward the voice. He continued to chew. It wasn’t a happy look. He didn’t want to be disturbed. His backside was the closest thing to the woman and a small human male. The small human was clutching his mother’s homespun dress.

  The unicorn started to turn his head again. ‘Maybe they’ll get the message.’ Had the unicorn thought about it he would not have been optimistic. Humans were infernally curious and they sure had a hard time hearing the word NO. ‘Or, maybe they heard the word but didn’t know what it meant? Perhaps they just…’

  “Please master unicorn…”

  The unicorn did jump this time. The pair of humans were almost within touching distance. A few feet separated them from the unicorn or more precisely the unicorn’s rear-end.

  “My child suffers so much…”

  The unicorn turned his head toward the female. He scowled. The pair didn’t seem to know that the unicorn was scowling and continued to stand behind him. He raised his white tail as if to flick away some bothersome flies but it was due more to agitation.

  “You’re so beautiful. You’re the most beautiful…”

  One of the unicorn tail hairs detached and was propelled into the air. The white hair settles on the boy’s head. The boy was so startled he just looked at the unicorn tail hair.

  He then reached up to touch the tail hair. Felt like silk although it was surprisingly thick.

  The unicorn had eaten his fill and saw no reason to linger in the meadow. He returned to the road which had led him to Shastra’s buttercups.

  As he approached Howdry Camphor’s farm he heard the voice of the small human, “mother, I’m cured. The unicorn cured me. I’m no longer stuttering.” The unicorn heard his gleeful laughter. This rankled the unicorn.

  He walked a bit but the anger at not finding Shastra bubbled over the glass of pessimism leaving despair. It was the sense of loss he had been feeling. The sense of loss made him feel so very, very alone. He saw a small wooden structure which had a smell almost as horrid as his flatulence.

  He turned his body around and kicked the structure. Hard. Very hard, as hard as he could. The structure leaned, titled and than with one final dramatic effort fell forward.

  ‘That certainly felt good.’ The unicorn continued down the road.

  Behind him Howdry Camphor sat on the toilet seat and clutched his stomach. He looked all around now there was no obstacle in viewing his surroundings. His first thought was that was some prank. His second thought was he was no longer constipated. He looked around and saw the unicorn wander down the road away from him.

  “Thank ye master unicorn. Thank ye with all my heart. Ye are welcome to have anything within my purview to give.”

  The unicorn heard this but could not fathom it. ‘Could be the structure needed ventilation?’

  Lac Minfrey was seventy paces behind the unicorn. He had been near the meadow when he witnessed the woman and boy approach the unicorn. It had been remarkable magic and Lac was duly impressed.

  A magic he didn’t understand. It made him want to learn more about it. He had been at the other end of the meadow and yet he too could smell the foul odor. It was unbelievably strange and mystifying.

  He wondered if he could gain a better understanding of magic by trying to understand what he had witnessed. He decided to follow the unicorn.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  The unicorn decided to take the road out of the shire. He knew in an off-hand way the areas Shastra was wont to wander to.

  He considered the areas most likely she’d travel to and decided to go toward the mountains in the west. The unicorn wondered if that area had been settled by humans as well. He had been somewhat surprised this shire was not only inhabited but seemed to be overrun by them. Farms were everywhere. Little hamlets or small villages dotted the country east of the mountains and north of the big salty water area.

  Of course, boundaries didn’t mean much to the unicorn or to any of the magical creatures in a general way. What mattered is if there were humans or elves about. Elves could and did live in fair harmony with most magical creatures. With humans it was different. They tended to see creatures of magic as fearsome and in their way.

  And the restlessness of humans seemed never to cease. Typical of humans was the invasion of the borderlands from the kingdoms of the north. This was true of the shire of Conestible. Conestible was not actually a part of the Fonderlac kingdom though it had been settled by the Fonderlakians.

  Much had changed the last time the unicorn had come to the shire. In human terms it had probably been a century at least. However, unicorns and other magical creatures did not have a concept of calendars so five years could be as easily seen as five hundred.

  Magical creatures had many things in common but one thing which they did not share is unicorns alone had healing magic.

  Shastra was gifted in healing. Maybe because she was gifted in the healing magic she often traveled the settled areas of the humans or elves. She was shy by nature, not very large by unicorn standards and tended to daydreaming more than most. This made her valuable and vulnerable. But she liked to be helpful. A trait somewhat uncommon amongst magical creatures.

  She was valuable to any but the dragons since she could heal most aliments. Vulnerable as she could be assaulted easily. Although goblins generally understood that to kill and eat a unicorn was counter-productive since they had neither physicians to heal nor magicians to keep ogres and dragon at bay this sensibility wasn’t always observed.

  Ogres of course would eat anything they could catch. Dragons had a fondness for unicorns. The innate magic in magical creatures would transfer and enrich dragons when they ingested beings who were innately magical. Unicorns were the most highly magical of all magical creatures so were the most prized by the airborne reptiles.

  Dragons grew larger and their protective scales grew thicker with each ingested magical creature. Dragons had enough intelligence to realize the bigger and more protected they were the less likely the human or elfin warriors could harm them or worse.

  The dragons only real fear once they grew large were the human magicians. A smart and capable mage could do serious damage and even kill a large dragon outright. If a dragon could not feed on magical creatures it would shrink to a smaller size whereby the warriors would stand a chance in slaying it.

  Therefore, dragons always looked first for unicorns to eat. It was a problem for which unicorns were well aware of. And this was the conundrum of the life of a unicorn.

  To find areas where they can live in peace and be far away from the dragons. Which was why the unicorns preferred the haunts of the elves.

  Only very large dragons would try to hunt in an elfin populated area. The problem facing the unicorns was the elves seemed to be disappearing. The unicorn couldn’t remember the last time he had seen an elf. The smaller elf population, the smaller area the unicorns felt comfortable in foraging.

  The mountains to the west though small in comparison to the great mountain chains still attracted dwarves since the area was filled to the brim with ore. Where there were dwarves there might be elves. Seemed a smart decision for the unicorn was to journey west.

  In many respects this was the last refuge of the truly magical world. Certainly, there were magical creatures around everywhere to some degree but the mountains and the land to the west of the mountains had no humans. Only magical creatures. Of course, there were the ogres and goblins to contend with but unicorns could hear them coming so they could avoid dangerous confrontations.

  And unicorns if cornered were the most dangerous of all magical creatures. Yet, they never were aggressive nor would they fight if flight was available to them.

  Yes, somewhere near the mountains was the place to look for Shastra.

  The unicorn had taken the road which would lead him to the mountains. It was a long road by most accounts but there would be plenty to see and especially in the earliest of summer plenty to eat.

  He still heard the f
ootfalls of the human walking on the same road but the human had not increased his stride or pace and the unicorn felt no hostility from the human. It amazed the unicorn that humans sure were a restless lot.

  Had the unicorn been given to deeper thinking he might have considered the reasons the road to the mountains had been so worn and obviously well traveled.

  Lac continuing to follow the unicorn hadn’t wondered. One, he knew the road went to the Galwich Mountains. When the dwarves had been in the mountains a strong trade developed in metal goods for grain and other food items. This had helped open up the shire and other areas just east of the mountains for settlement and north of the foothills.

  It had been the reason his great-great-grandfather had migrated to the area. He had been in the dry goods business. As had Lac’s great-grandfather and grandfather. His father managed the store today. Lac had been the first in the family in generations not to become a tradesman.

  Lac’s magical ability had manifested itself early. The family had been proud to think of him as a magician. Magicians were an important part of any society since they alone could keep the large dragons from doing harm or worse.

  Lac didn’t know if any large dragons still existed. When he had started mage training he had hoped he’d have the opportunity to slay one. As he progressed through the academy he wasn’t all that certain he’d be able to actually do any significant harm to a large reptile.

  The stories he heard made him less than eager to find one. Lac’s body reacted to a chill and he shook. It seemed odd to him to feel such a chill throughout his body on such a warm day.

  He tried to tell himself it must’ve been a cold breeze which affected him just then. But he didn’t really believe that.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  The creature was large, very large. One of the largest of his kind. The creature was black but not the black of night but a shimmery black. A deep black from which no light reflected from it.

  The creature was also very comfortable. Its lair was absolutely perfect. He hadn’t made it of course but that hardly mattered.

  Had there been other dragons around he would brag of his wonderful home. Absolutely made to order. Sadly, there were no more dwarves around. He had enjoyed the taste of dwarves. Tougher than elves and gamier but the magic he felt during ingestion was so satisfying.

  He slumbered in peace and contentment. He had been asleep for nearly a century. He had grown larger due to all the dwarves he had eaten. Possessing their innate magic caused him to grow in size.

  Yet, it caused something else. Something unforeseen. Something the dragon was not aware of but affected him nonetheless.

  The dragon’s body felt the subtle pangs for sustenance.

  He stirred.

  CHAPTER SIX

  ‘Human magician, are you following me?’

  “Ah, well…umm…hey. You can talk?”

  ‘Not in the way elves and humans talk.’

  “You mean, ah, that we can read each other’s mind?”

  ‘No, not read the mind but interpret projections from the mind. At least a magician told me that once. I assume it to be true as we can converse.’

  “I hadn’t learned that yet.” Lac all of a sudden was very frustrated. How much did he still need to learn? It seemed to him becoming a full fledged and registered magician would take years of schooling and training. It seemed all too daunting just now.

  He decided to walk off the road to the creek to drink some water. The unicorn was already there. Regardless of the six of seven miles he had hiked Lac felt fine. It had been such a lovely day. Evening approached as the last of the late afternoon rays of the sun diffused the waning light through the trees and…

  Oh, my am I hungry. Slaking his thirst did not dampen his growing hunger.

  ‘Then you should eat. The grass over here is particularly tasty.’

  “I’m afraid humans can’t eat grass.” He looked around and found a boulder he could sit on. He didn’t know what he should do about his hunger. He wasn’t used to deprivation of food so his growling stomach was a rather odd and unwanted sensation. He was also fatigued from hours of walking along dusty roads.

  Lac had never been this far west. He could see the mountain peaks when they reached open meadows. Or when the trees didn’t along the road didn’t obscure them. They seemed a lot closer now.

  One thing he had noticed was the hamlets no longer dotted the countryside nor were there any villages. He suddenly felt very much alone.

  ‘What do humans generally eat?’

  “Well, we like a lot of different stuff if we can get it. Different types of meat and grains and vegetables. Soups and stews are popu…”

  Lac blinked then rubbed his eyes. Ten feet in front of him stood two pixies. He had never seen pixies before since they avoid settled human areas. He tried to remember why and what he had read about them. They stood about eight inches tall with their wings folded.

  Lac was sure they hadn’t been there before but…

  “So you’re hungry?” The two pixies laughed. “We can help.” They laughed some more.

  Lac eventually looked down to where the incredible aroma originated. On a small blanket was a plate of roasted mutton and a glass with what looked like ale. Lac’s stomach began to growl in earnest.

  Lac scratched his chin. He knew there was something fishy about this but he couldn’t remember for the life of him anything about pixies. It had been many generations since they frequented the shire. But why did they no longer…?

  ‘You shouldn’t trust the faeries.’

  “Why’s that?”

  The unicorn continued to chew the tasty grass, “they’ll try to enchant you.”

  Ah, that was it. Pixies liked to play pranks. Adult humans didn’t like pranks. In fact, you couldn’t be considered an adult if you played pranks on anyone, especially other adults.

  Lac was too tired for long winded explanations. He raised his hand, “no thanks. I’m fine.”

  The pixies stopped laughing and instantly grew angry. Lac became alarmed. What do you do with an angry pixie? The unicorn looked up from his grazing. He didn’t want to miss this.

  The pixies looked at each other than at Lac than threw something at him.

  Lac’s hand was still raised and he tried to protect himself. Both hands were out in front of him now. Nothing happened. Lac looked around. Whatever they had thrown hadn’t hit him. So he looked around to see what it was they threw. He found nothing.

  The pixies became enraged and started hurling…something. Lac couldn’t see what it was but he was a little too weary for this.

  Both of Lac’s hands pushed out with palms up. He simply said, “STOP IT.”

  The pixies did stop ‘it’ though it wasn’t volitional. One, the voice that said ‘stop it’ was about ten times louder than he intended. Two, the pixies acted like they were hit by a tree limb and had doubled over.

  Lac looked at his hands; palms to back of the hands. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary yet he had two barely conscious pixies in front of him. He got up and went over to the pixies. He prodded one. They were definitely stunned.

  Lac felt a little bit apprehensive he might have hurt the pixies though for the life of him he could not understand how that might have happened.

  ‘Not bad. Perhaps a little too strong for the little ones but maybe you are out of practice.’

  “Out of practice? Yes, you could say that. I didn’t hurt them did I?”

  ‘Magic cannot harm or kill faeries. They’ll be up and about in a few minutes.’

  In several minutes the pixies were conscious though still groggy. They looked at Lac and appeared to want to depart. “Hey. Don’t go. I’d like…” He wasn’t sure what he liked to do.

  The pixies remained quiescent and stationary.

  Odd behavior.

  “What would you like master mage?”

  “Umm.” Lac decided to think on this. This was indeed unusual behavior so he didn’t want to make mistakes…and
he was so hungry!

  ‘You deflected their enchantment. It hit them with impressive force.’

  “I’ve ensorcelled them?”

  ‘Correct.’

  Lac thought on it some more, “for how long?”

  ‘For a little while at least.’

  “Ah there, pixies. Magic me a, ah, the roasted mutton, leek soup and some honey cakes.”

  The faces of the pixies remained impassive but they attended to Lac’s bidding. In front of Lac was the blanket with the food he had ordered. He rubbed his hands together as he sat on the blanket edge. He grabbed the mutton leg and bit into it.

  Delicious. Hmm!

  “Now my good little fellows, give me a wheel of cheese and nuts and currants.” Lac quickly added, “and put it in a traveling rucksack.”

  He found a bag with nuts and currants and cheese in front of him.

  “Shuck the nuts.”

  The nuts lost their shells.

  As Lac was eating he watched the pixies who with blank faces looked back at him.

  “Pixies, dance.”

  The pixies started to dance and Lac assumed it was a normal pixie dance which meant it made no sense to him but at least it gave him something to watch as he masticated.

  The unicorn looked at Lac. ‘Are you a pixie as well?’

  “Too much?”

  The unicorn said nothing but Lac could feel the disapproval in Chauncey’s silence. Lac sighed. Maybe he wasn’t yet an adult. It had been fun to have the pixies hop around.

  “Okay pixies, stop. Go home.” They vanished.

  ‘It will soon be too dark to travel. I will remain here where the grass is tender and the water fresh and there are trees to protect me. Where are you off to?’

  Lac shrugged as he chewed. “Why would trees protect you?”

  ‘If there was a dragon around he would want to eat me. A unicorn’s hearing is very good but the dragons know that and if they spot a unicorn they’ll glide so we cannot hear them coming. The trees would get in the way of the dragon and the noise would alert me. If awake we can defend ourselves. Our horn can kill any dragon.’

  Lac looked up. He could barely see the stars through the canopy. “Do you mind if I stayed with you?”

  The unicorn thought on this. He had already talked more to a human in the last hour than he had in the last century. It tired him but he also found it oddly exhilarating. Kind of like having a foal to teach the ways of the world to. The parental nature was emerging in the unicorn. It was the unconscious desire to mate which had stirred his memories of Shastra.